Sonic business…
…after some lazy days, here’s a longer post
Wassup y’all - just taking care of Sonic Business
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A wife and a browser
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My wife, boiled eggs and chaos theory.
Dear reader,
I have grappled with this for 24 hours and am still no wiser. Why would someone play so haphazardly with the universe, experiment with space and time, use Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle as a culinary style or tempt the wrath of *insert favourite deity*?
Yesterday morning, having returned from the Jobcentre I find my wife making us boiled eggs and toast (soldiers, #win ). So there are the eggs, in the pot but sans bubbles and general jiggling aboutness. Is the water cold? I enquire,
“Yeah” she shrugs. “How else would you do it?”
“Boil the kettle and pour it into a pot.” She answers this with a look which asks ‘Are you a fuckin’ alien?’
Being apparently unfamiliar with my wife and her complete lack of logic I delve further,
“But how do you know how long to boil them for? I like 6 minutes but the time when the water is between say, 50 and 99C, still has a cooking effect.”
Still looking at me, the ‘fuckin’ alien’ she explains,
“When the water starts boiling I put the toast in. When the toast is done, buttered, cut and on the plate the eggs are ready.”
“… but … eh ….” First time in months I really wanted a cigarette.
Lost for words I retired to the living room, gave myself a Chinese burn and awaited the salmonella.
“Here you go babyface, enjoy your eggs.”
Is the bitch mocking me? How can such chaos and uncertainty be enjoyed. Timing eggs by a toaster is akin to dressing by running head first into the wardrobe and seeing what sticks to a damp post-shower man-body.
Unavoidable, I lift my teaspoon and prepared to crack the Universe defying eggs of Mrs Q. In the words of Captain Ahab;
”..from hell’s heart I crack at thee, for hate’s sake I spit my last salmonella-free breath at thee.” *sic
Fuck me, those eggs were perfect.
#food #insanity #wtf #win
Super Mario Piranha Plant Earrings
from lizglizz
Finally, I too can be fashionable without having my ears pierced.
First 10 songs
“@_shelf_: Put your music player on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that play….
Elvis Costello, James Blake, Primal Scream, The Cure, Shed Seven, Bruce Springsteen, Iron Maide, My Morning Jacket and Suede.
Nineteen Eighty Four
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